Welcome fellow Britons, colonial commoners and confused Americans! This is V as you may never have thought of it before. This is V with a cup of tea and a biscuit. This is V through the prism of Very British Problems.

Martin (Frank Ashmore) reveals to Donovan (Marc Singer) that despite the many shortages on his planet (food, water, democratic leadership) they still have a bigger IKEA than Milton Keynes.

Like many heterosexual British men of his generation, Daniel Bernstein (David Packer) is deeply conflicted about Gillian Anderson playing Margaret Thatcher in The Crown.

How’s is going there Robert? (Michael Durrell) Oh, getting there.

Stephen (Andrew Prine) explains to Captain Jake (Stack Pierce) that Penguins are superior to Tim Tams because they are individually wrapped. (Jake doesn’t know how wrong Stephen is.)

 

Juliet Parrish (Faye Grant) has been trying to change from the Northern Line to the District at Bank for three days straight now.

 

Martin (Frank Ashmore) explains to Ham Tyler (Michael Ironside) and Mike Donovan (Marc Singer) that he cannot help them because they have not been using Oxford commas in their sentences. Tyler does not see the point, and has some alternative ideas about where Martin can put his commas.

 

“Unexpected item in the bagging area“
(Jane Badler, Sarah Douglas, Andrew Prine, Frank Ashmore)

Robert Maxwell’s (Michael Durrell) platform has just been called at Euston two minutes before his train is due to depart. Will he get a seat or will he have to stand all the way to Wolverhampton?

The growing queue at the self-checkout at Sainsbury’s (Sarah Douglas, Andrew Prine, Frank Ashmore) quietly loses its shit while Diana (Jane Badler) digs about in her handbag looking fruitlessly for her Nectar card.
Martin (Frank Ashmore) tells Diana (Jane Badler): “You’re a destroyer Diana. An evil. A sickness. Everything you touch dies. You don’t bargain with pestilence. You wipe it out.” – a bit harsh

Diana (Jane Badler) doesn’t take well to the news that Lydia (June Chadwick) thinks her viral Happy #PlattyJubes tweet is a total disgrace.

It’s every Englishman’s prerogative to remove his shirt the minute the temperature reaches 20C (68F) no matter what the circumstances.
(Jeff Yagher and Michael Ironside)
Going to be an interesting taxi ride home on this week’s Come Dine With Me…
.(Jane Badler)

NHS website: “Extreme desiccation, lack of pulse and popping out eyes is a common symptom which can be treated simply at home…”
(Duncan Regher)

Lydia (June Chadwick) and Philip (Frank Ashmore) have an intense disagreement over which shade of William Morris Willow Bough wallpaper would work best for the mothership main deck. Leaf green or ecru?

Lydia (June Chadwick) is going through the whole pantomime of checking her ticket and politely asking Philip (Frank Ashmore) “Oh erm, what seat number are you?” even though both of them know that of course he’s in her bloody seat.

“Strictly NO ice cream vendors.”
(Faye Grant)

“See” says Philip (Frank Ashmore) “I told you we’d be able to get in a quick pint after work with plenty of time to all get home for Bake Off”
(June Chadwick and Jane Badler)

Diana (Jane Badler): And then we can obliterate the entire planet in a nuclear firestorm.
John (Richard Herd): Could do.
Martin (Frank Ashmore) is dead chuffed he’s scored the front seat of the top deck of the 381 to Waterloo.
”Beep beep, drive the bus”
Willie’s (Robert Englund) invitation for Harmony Moore (Diane Cary) to go dogging with him goes over way more successfully than he could ever have hoped.
Robin Maxwell (Blair Tefkin) can’t believe how much it now costs for a full tank of petrol for a family car
Kristine Walsh (Jenny Sullivan) and Martin (Frank Ashmore) have just found out their EasyJet flight to Marbs has just been cancelled half an hour before boarding,
Ham Tyler (Michael Ironside) is also not happy with the update on the Gatwick departures board.
He and Chris Farber (Mickey Jones) were really looking forward to that foam party in Ibiza.

Diana (Jane Badler) is on a 3 hour flight to Iraklion where the young couple in front of her just put on “Baby Shark” very loud and on repeat to entertain their fussing toddler.
Lydia’s (June Chadwick) tanning salon session is rudely interrupted by Diana (Jane Badler)