It’s a new millennium and as the hair gets a little darker (then lighter) and the voice a little more gravelly, like a good whisky Frank Ashmore just gets better with time. After a fairly quiet 1990s we return to a variety of appearances in action, drama, comedy and even advertising. With the new century there are some exciting new formats as Ashmore appears in a web series, one of my favourite appearances The Guild.
18 Wheels of Justice (2001) S02 E19 Once a Thief
Frank Ashmore en français! This show is that well known genre “trucker justice”. A trucker goes from town to town and solves crimes. Yeah okay it’s The Incredible Hulk again. I’ve never heard of this show but it is apparently popular in France because … I really don’t know why. Why do the French anything? It was popular enough to be dubbed into French which is why we get to see Frank play some kind of mafia boss who ends up swimming with the poissons. You don’t really need any French to get what’s going on here.
The District (2002) S03 E07 The Second Man
Police shooting. Everything fine.
Unless you’re the parents of the man who was shot. Which is what Frank Ashmore plays in this episode. And not for the last time this decade either. (I guess it’s a type.) This show was about policing told from the perspective of a police chief who is trying to reform a force in D.C. Almost contemporaneous with The Wire (which if I’m being honest I was watching instead of this) and similar themes.
This episode deals with a police shooting from the perspective of the shooter, and the stress this causes. Interesting reversal of race and class here, black cop shoots rich white college kid, with predictable changes in resulting scrutiny of the police.
The West Wing (2004) S05 E15 Full Disclosure
Smart rapid-fire walking and talking political drama based in the White House. The West Wing was very much of its time, presenting an idealised version of American political process and populated by characters who were strangely somehow unsullied by the realities of modern politics.
There is so much that is personally very painful for me too, firstly because it features Jesse Bradford who looks like an ex of mine and secondly because Josh Lyman makes a crack about Radiohead being somehow unbearable. How dare he.
That aside there’s a million things going on in this episode including a military base closing commission. Frank Ashmore plays a Congressman Chris Finn who represents a town which has been slated for having its base closed. He’s supposed to be a bit scary and he is. I have to say Finn is a much better representative of his constituents than my MP who is bloody useless.
Anyway it pains me that Jesse Bradford isn’t fired at the end of this. In my head there’s an ending where Congressman Finn kicks his ass in the White House carpark afterwards.
Criminal Minds (2006) S02 E03 The Perfect Storm
Oh no not again! Ashmore plays the father of a man who is gunned down by police but this time it’s ok because the family is poor and they live in Florida. And the police thought he might be a serial killer. (Which [spoiler] he wasn’t so here’s another family unnecessarily put through heartache thanks to a crappy script.) The lines Ashmore is given in this are a bit rubbish in all honesty. And the plot is total pants. Poor broken dad.
I never liked all these CSI type shows at the time and seeing how this hasn’t stood up with time I feel vindicated. These forensics procedurals were all the rage in the early 2000s but if I’m honest it’s a bit silly to ram this sort of thing into the traditional weekly police procedural format. (Shows that Ashmore appeared in in the 70s like The Streets of San Franscico and Barnaby Jones were far superior.)
These types of cases can take years to crack and anyone who watched Mindhunter will know just how dodgy forensic psychology is. (I mean look at how well that worked tracking down the Unabomber.)
So sad as I am not to be able to share this performance by Ashmore because of some extreme restrictions on fair use I’m not too cut up about missing Criminal Minds off the YouTube Playlist.
Doritos (2009) ad
Ok, not understanding what’s going on here. I think this is an ad that was produced as part of a competition to score a spot during the Super Bowl. Another thing I don’t get. (Colour me Superb Owl.)
I guess the ad is successful in that it reminds me of the “Go compare” opera singer or those bloody oligarch meerkats. Those furry little bastards ruined the London housing market. I do now understand why there are so many “Doritos” comments on any given picture of Ashmore on Facebook so the campaign must have been very successful. Which is the reason for its inclusion here. Even though I don’t like it.
Also. Y’all need to start watching rugby.
Stealing Home (2009) short
Another disappointed father. Ashmore plays the father of a wayward son in this modern take on the prodigal son. This short was made as part of a festival where Ashmore received a nomination for Best Actor. Unfortunately I couldn’t track down the full short, but the filmmaker (who was also responsible for the Doritos slot) has uploaded the trailer on Youtube. Intriguing.
The Guild (2010) Festival of the Sea S04 E10
Arrrr! Far and away my favourite appearance this decade, perhaps even this century. Web series The Guild follows the life, fortunes and loves of a group of gamers who are all part of the same guild in a game not unlike World of Warcraft. Each Season has a theme and in Season Four our heroine Codex gets a job doing the social marketing for local business Cheesybeards run by Ollie (Ashmore) who seems to genuinely think he’s a pirate.
This seafood/nautical themed restaurant trope recurs in a lot of American high school comedies, most notably Fast Times as Ridgmont High. I suspect the joke is that it’s at the bottom of the pecking order in terms of fast food restaurants but I’d need an American to explain it to me. (Because here in Britain like the pub, a good chippy is the cornerstone of our community)
Cheesybeards proprietor Ollie reguarly speaks “pirate” which includes many arcane nautical terms and doggerel. This proves the point that honestly pirates were as cute and fun as the velociraptors in Jurassic Park and if you really met one you would be terrified of them.
I personally enjoyed the gyrations of Tymberlee Hill who plays waitress Jeanette on the left. I really think she and Ashmore should start a pop duo.
When Martin Died 